Love Yourself

In 2012 I wanted to change my lifestyle but lacked self-discipline, so I joined a yoga teacher training thinking it would force me into a healthier lifestyle. - I thought there’s no way I could continue down an unhealthy path and be a yoga teacher, right? - Wrong! It’s easy to pretend to be whatever you want, it just gets more and more exhausting. Finally, I hit a breaking point where I could no longer be pulled in different directions. It took 6 years, but in a sense my original intention did work. I continued to surround myself with inspiring and healthy people and I can proudly say I’m now living my best life and am excited every morning to wake up and see what else is possible! 

Today has been 11 months without alcohol. A year ago I remember my go-to wish - the wish I would have in my back pocket in case I saw a shooting star or drove over train tracks - the wish was to LOVE MYSELF. Couple nights ago, I saw a shooting star, and feeling in that moment the self-love that was inside of me, all I could do was smile...I need a new wish. What’s weird now, is that I don’t feel there’s anything I could wish for that I can’t make happen myself. Not that I’m all powerful, but that my desires are in line with my values, so I feel completely empowered to make my dreams come true.  

Another strange result of loving myself is that my dating life has completely changed. A year ago, when I was insecure, I would have leaped at the opportunity to be in a relationship with someone who was always complimenting me and making me feel good about myself. I loved when men wanted to move through the steps quickly and get straight into the “I love you” and planning a future. But now that I have that love inside of myself, I don’t NEED it from someone else. Funny side note: Because aerial work is increasing my grip strength, I don’t even need a man to help me open jars anymore!!! LOL Joking aside, I absolutely do still see the value in relationships, but it no longer comes from a place of lack. It comes from a place of abundance. I have so much joy inside of me that it would be awesome to share it with someone else. 

For a long time I felt it was strange to be so unconditionally loving to the world and people in general, but so judgemental of others when you were considering them for a romantic relationship. So I saw the good in everyone...and I dated everyone LOL! Now I realize it’s not a judgemental thing when you ‘reject’ someone - it doesn’t mean they aren’t good enough - it just means they’re not your perfect match, your puzzle piece, your lobster (Friend’s reference - you’re welcome, Shauna ;). So I guess now my wish is to stay aware and notice where my core values are reflected around me so I can act in a way that supports my highest self. 

When I quit alcohol, I felt like my behavior was finally aligning with those core values. Like I could finally be one authentic person all the time and in all situations. But my nature is to continue evolving. I discovered that there was another situation when I was feeling an underlying sense of guilt, and just like with alcohol, I masked that guilt with the F%CK IT attitude - and that situation was my diet. I started Isagenix and it was awesome, and I will continue to drink the dairy free shakes every morning, but the underlying sense of guilt came in when I was eating meat and animal products. I never would have noticed it if I wasn’t sober. I tried to stay in ignorance and avoid the truth, but that was splitting me apart and like I said, I want to be one person all the time. So I’m 3 days vegan now, and I feel great. I’m not going to go into all of the environmental, ethical, and personal reasons why I did it here, but if you want to know, I’d love to chat with you! I think part of the hesitation was because I didn’t want to get rejected by the ‘tribe’ (ie. family and friends), but the people who truly matter will love me regardless and just want me to be happy. The other part of the hesitation was that food was my one thing to hold on to and I feel like I had given up so much already. 

So I explored that feeling of needing something to fill the hole of rebellion and discovered the only way to combat that beast was to starve it. It’s a common misconception to think that we can fix a problem by adding something else. You feel stress, you add alcohol, that messes up your sleep, so you add marijuana, you still wake up tired, so you add caffeine, you run out of time to pack lunch, so you get fast food, all of this creates sickness in the body, so you add medication...and the vicious cycle continues. What if we subtracted instead of added? Simplified instead of complicated? What if we isolate the variables to discover what is truly the cause of dis-ease, and what feelings we actually want to seek out.  

I encourage you to dig deep to find your own core values and then get rid of all the cobwebs. Ask yourself how you could align your behavior to match those core values - the simple, important ones that make you feel like you. When we are aligned, something clicks, and energy or prana can run more fully through us! Energy is not just the calories you get from your food that you use for activity, energy is life force, it’s all around you! When our energy is full, we are gifted a feeling of ease, grace, self-identity. Take a couple deep breaths right now and just visualize it filling you. I’m sending some extra loving energy your way as well! I’d love to hear about the values you discover and your goals. I believe we are not just united in the underlying fabric of the universe, but that we are literally one. When I give shape to the voice inside of me, I am also speaking from the voice inside of you. Together and unified we can make a difference.