I'm In Here

So it’s definitely much harder for me to eat right than it is to not drink. With drinking, I just don’t drink - simple. With eating, you can’t just stop eating, so it’s choices, choices, choices. Just becoming intentional about what I put in my body is a HUGE step for me. I feel like my drinking and eating habits were causing blocks in my energy and not allowing the full light in me to rise up. I was letting the world happen to me and just waiting to see what would come my way. In my own weird way, it was my way of being spiritual - trusting my intuition and that whatever is in front of me is meant to be. But when I cut out the alcohol, it’s like this whole person inside of me rose up and said, “Hey, I’m in here! There are things that I want too! Things you have to go out and get!” Since I started Isagenix and this new diet two weeks ago, I’m feeling more clear, more inspired, more myself. It sounds weird, but as pounds are coming off, I feel like the real me, even my real body that’s been inside this whole time, is being revealed. 

It’s a pretty strict list of what to eat each day - which is great for people who want to just be told what to do - in fact, I wish they could make a checklist to improve my love life! LOL! But I also know that when that inner tyrant gets strict, the inner rebel gets rowdy. I struggled with eating disorders in my teens, so I know that I have to be careful with how I approach my diet. The eating disorder issue was something very short-lived and more of an experiment, but I think it was also about falling short of perfection and wanting to somehow ‘cheat’ the system. Rebelling secretly and then appearing perfect made me feel like a cool spy - like a mystery. I liked that. But the rest of it - the self-deprivation, the self-destruction, that felt yucky and I never want to be there again. 

Knowing that I have this past, knowing that I might react in rebellion, will that be enough to change old patterns? Is awareness enough to make different choices? - In one instance, the answer was emphatically no - I had a fundamental NEED for the thick chewy red licorice that I couldn’t help but indulge LOL! But each time I see a pattern that I’d like to shift, I’m adding awareness to it, light to it. If I hold my flaws with grace and fascination, the rebel isn’t going to rear up because it’s not being treated unfairly. I’m not going to beat myself up about eating licorice when I’m doing all these awesome things to live a healthier life! I smile to it, I let it go, and I try again tomorrow. 

So what’s my ultimate goal with this new change? - I want the food and drink I put in my body to feel nourishing, so I can be the best version of myself and do all the awesome work I need to do in this world. Here’s the thing with nutrition - every single person will tell you something different about what’s healthy and best. For me, and right now, the two shakes a day are working for me and allowing me time and freedom to play with making one meal a day. I’m excited to see how all of it evolves together...See more at katypaulson.life/#Blog