Falling Up Somehow

 Unchanged: </p>

I cried in the shower this morning...because I was so happy. And I thought this is Gratitude. Growing up, I always thought it was strange that my mom would cry when she was happy, but I finally understand. It’s the grace that comes from the ups and the downs, the beauty in the breakdowns, and the rising up. It’s the relief that comes from having gone through a hard time and finally realizing, I have arrived in a different place. True gratitude for loved ones is more than just saying ‘thank you’, it is holding space and compassion for them, no matter what. 


So thank you to my family and friends who held space for me to grow into myself. I remember about 5 years ago, I had just gone through a breakup, and I heard the song “Dog Days Are Over” by Florence and the Machine. I thought to myself, Finally! That difficult chapter of my life is over and a new chapter has begun…. Little did I know, I was about to begin the most difficult 5 years of my life. Point is, we’re never really aware of the rough patches before they’re about to happen, but had I not held onto that hope for better days, I might have gotten sucked into depression indefinitely. Some people ask me, “What’s different now? You’ve always seemed happy to me.” And I get it, I’ve been smiling my whole life, and it’s that positive attitude and hope that have carried me through. Honestly, who knows, it might not be different, there might be more chaos waiting around the bend, but I choose hope now and in each moment. And somehow, I seem to be falling upward. 


I thought of the concept of the slippery slope and how one bad choice leads to others, and how my life seems to be experiencing just the opposite. Then I saw my friend Jessi’s Instagram handle - Fallingupsomehow, and I thought - That’s it! Somehow one choice to stop alcohol has led to confidence in myself to transform, trust from people around me, and one opportunity after another synchronistically arising - lifting me higher and higher. And the compassion I now have for others seems to be growing as well. It occurred to me that many stories and films now explore blurring the lines between good and evil. They demonstrate to us that when we know the context, the why, we can sympathize with almost any action. So I offer you this idea from the picture: Love others, without first asking whether or not they are worthy. I assure you, they are.  

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